Practice Attunement to heal in connection with self and other
What have you been needing?
This article seeks to provide language and support in the process of identifying and expressing your needs.
The Universal Needs List has been broken down into 5 categories:
Body Needs
Safety Needs
Individual Needs
Relationship Needs
Spiritual Needs
Following this Needs Assessment Exercise below will strengthen your capacity to feel safe and understood in connection with yourself and others.
Needs Assessment Exercise
✨Start to tune in to your needs✨
Begin by asking yourself: “What have I been needing?”
Feel into your body. Your body is communicating to you, and asking that you take time to experience yourself in the present.
Turn down the volume of your thoughts and drop into your sensory experience - Notice where your body is carrying pain, stress, or tension. Tap into the world of sensation in your body. Notice your breath, and assess your body for any needs that would increase your comfort and embodied presence.
Body Needs
Water
Food
Health
Rest
Shelter
Pleasure
Fresh Air
Space
Stimulation
Movement
Comfort
Touch
Sleep
Warmth
Rejuvenation
Sexual Expression
Nurturing
Relief
Choice
Autonomy
Healthcare
Ask yourself "What do I need to feel safe and secure?" Identify any needs or values related to Safety using the Universal Needs List.
Safety Needs
Stability Consistency Support Order/Structure Peaceful Environments Security of Mind and Body Peace of Mind Trust Financial Security Security of Resources Access to Health and Wellness Time Safe Community Protection from Harm Legal Rights and Protections Freedom from danger Physical Safety Emotional Safety Safe Space for Emotional Expression
What do I need, as an individual, to feel secure in my sense of self? Identify Individual Needs by reflecting on your personal experience.
Individual Needs
Presence Meaning Self-Care Self-Compassion Awareness Respect Healing Consideration Freedom Integrity Autonomy Focus Independence Self-Love Authenticity Self-Regulation Consistency Clarity Motivation Self-Expression Self-Responsibility Curiosity Ease Tenderness Dignity Self-Acceptance Self-Knowledge Growth Exploration Discovery
What social or relationship needs would support my capacity for connection? Notice where your relationships with others could use tending by identifying relationship needs using the list below.
Relationship Needs
Connection
Appreciation
Companionship
Support
Affirming Community
Empathy
Kindness
Communication
Honesty
Mutual Recognition
Attunement
Love
Partnership
Belonging
Trust
Friendship
Intimacy
Reciprocity
Understanding others
Equity
Respect
Giving Affection
Receiving Affection
Secure Emotional Connection
To be heard, seen
To be known, understood
To be trusted
Inclusion
Participation
Closeness
Harmony
Sharing
What does my spirit need to feel alive? Check in with your heart to identify what might help you feel aligned in the present.
Spiritual Needs
Hope Joy Creativity Mattering to myself Play Inspiration Purpose Will Mourning/Grief Service Contribution Celebration Faith Beauty Spiritual Practice Prayer Consciousness Interconnectedness Flow Presence Alignment Inner Peace Vitality
Close out your needs assessment by thanking yourself for taking the time to inquire into your needs, and trust that the more you forge this path of attuning to your own needs, the easier and more satisfying it will become.
I honor all that I hold and embody today. I trust myself to take care of my body, mind, spirit, and relationships as needs arise. I am witnessing myself without judgement, and in loving awareness.
The Healing Power of Attunement - The Witnessing of Needs
Many humans feel disconnected from a knowledge of their needs.
We have a hard time feeling into our bodies, our individual and collective experience, and putting words to what we are lacking, and what might help.
For many of us, this difficulty knowing our needs results from a lack of attunement early in life. Without a loving witness, many of us did not have room to explore our experience, to speak about our desires, and to find language for our pain.
Attunement is our capacity to be present with and witness to expressions of experience in ourself and others. Attunement moves beyond empathy, to recognize, understand, and relationally respond to the needs and pain one witnesses in themself and others.
Being attuned to:
Can be achieved by yourself and in relationships
Feels like a warm embrace when you're in pain
Allows your needs to be seen and heard
Provides regulation and soothing for the nervous system
Involves authentic and vulnerable communication with self and other
Creates emotional safety and security
Soothes pain in a way that is manageable and regulating
Allows us to exist in connection with ourselves and the world around us
Attunement is about witnessing and responding to human experiences.
By tuning into our needs and suffering (and that of others) we build the capacity to feel safe and understood in connection.
Attunement is what therapy and healing is all about - learning that we can feel safe to rest, digest, and exist in connection with ourself and others. Knowing that whatever experiences and needs arise in the present moment will be met with understanding, non-judgement, and care.
What happens when we develop in the absence of attunement?
Attunement is a core developmental need. Without the presence of a loving and responsive other, we struggle to knowing what we need, and may feel our needs do not deserve to be met.
"Trauma is not what happens to us, but what we hold inside in the absence of an empathic witness." - Peter Levine
Attunement offers an empathic witness to support with healing.
It is important to note that healing from trauma is challenging to do on our own. Please reach out to a therapist or coach to support you with understanding your needs as you process traumatic experiences.
Intentions Therapy is a queer-affirming and client centered virtual private practice run by Dani Sullivan, LCSW.Specializing in serving LGBTQIA+ individuals and couples, neurodivergent individuals, folks healing from complex or developmental trauma, and anyone struggling to cultivate self-love. Learn more about our services.
If you are a member of the LGBTQIA+ community and seeking healing with an emotionally nurturing small group of peers, apply for our virtual Neuroqueer Group to explore your identity and heal in connection.
Attunement Interruptions in Queer Experience:
The absence of an empathic witness is an all-too-common theme in 2SLGBTQIA+ folks who grew up lacking attunement from caregivers, or not feeling safe enough in the world to express their desires. Many of us were not met with the openness, dignity and respect we deserve.
Without a loving witness, many Queer-identified individuals did not have room to explore their experience, to speak about their desires, and to find language for their pain.
The good news is that we can practice feeling into our needs, and by doing this we can attune to ourselves. It is never too late to start tuning in.
Attunement is a powerful force to heal in connection with self and other. Attunement is a simple act that can be practiced by pausing and connecting to your experience in the present moment to assess your needs.
Self-attunement is a reparenting practice that develops our capacity to feel alive and present in the world, to hold space and time for ourself, and to experience fullness and expansion. Practicing Self Attunement is possible with tools like breathwork, body scans, and assessment of our needs.
For my own healing, learning self-attunement has been incredibly rewarding and supported me personally and relationally. It is my hope that connecting to your needs and sharing your experience with others is made easier by the practice of attunement, and the needs assessment exercise.
As always, thank you for tuning in and take care!
In solidarity, Dani Sullivan, MSW
If this guide to attunement and needs was supportive to you, please consider leaving a comment or subscribing to our newsletter! If you would like to leave a Google review with feedback here is the link to leave a 5 star review on Google. If you are a client that has trusted me with your care, Thank you for trust and your healing. Leave a Google Review.
Universal Human Needs List
BODY NEEDS:
Water
Food
Health
Air
Rest
Shelter
Pleasure
Fresh Air
Space
Stimulation
Movement
Comfort
Touch
Sleep
Warmth
Rejuvenation
Sexual Expression
Nurturing
Relief
Choice
Autonomy
Healthcare
SAFETY NEEDS:
Stability
Consistency
Support
Order/Structure
Peaceful Environments
Security of Mind and Body
Peace of Mind
Trust
Financial Security
Security of Resources
Access to Health and Wellness
Time
Safe Community
Protection from Harm
Legal Rights and Protections
Freedom from danger
Physical Safety
Emotional Safety
Safe Space for Emotional Expression
INDIVIDUAL NEEDS:
Presence
Meaning
Self-Care
Self-Compassion
Awareness
Respect
Healing
Consideration
Freedom
Integrity
Autonomy
Focus
Independence
Self-Love
Authenticity
Self-Regulation
Consistency
Clarity
Motivation
Self-Expression
Self-Responsibility
Curiosity
Ease
Tenderness
Dignity
Self-Acceptance
Self-Knowledge
Growth
Exploration
Discovery
RELATIONSHIP NEEDS:
Connection
Appreciation
Companionship
Support
Affirming Community
Empathy
Kindness
Communication
Honesty
Mutual Recognition
Attunement
Love
Partnership
Belonging
Trust
Friendship
Intimacy
Reciprocity
Understanding others
Equity
Respect
Giving Affection
Receiving Affection
Secure Emotional Connection
To be heard, seen
To be known, understood
To be trusted
Inclusion
Participation
Closeness
Harmony
Sharing
SPIRITUAL NEEDS:
Hope
Joy
Creativity
Mattering to myself
Play
Inspiration
Purpose
Will
Mourning/Grief
Service
Contribution
Celebration
Faith
Beauty
Spiritual Practice
Prayer
Consciousness
Interconnectedness
Flow
Presence
Alignment
Inner Peace
Vitality
*This is a working list of needs that can be added to via comment. I invite you to send over language that supports you and I will add it to the list of Universal Human Needs